A girl engaged to another showed up at my door to see if I could win her over. The girl and I had been flirting for close to three years and she was engaged for all that time. What should I have done? In retrospect, rip her clothes off and throw her in the bed, but at the time, I thought that was a bad idea. Our relationship was much like Jim and Pam from the TV series, The Office. What was mine and Jim’s dilemma?
In the Navy I tried to stop a friend from cheating on his wife. I take commitment seriously. Without a doubt I was horny and I would have asked her out, if she broke away from her fiancé and I may have married her myself, but she was exploring her options while still engaged. Knowing she was engaged, I tried to consider her a friend, but I definitely wanted something more. She certainly didn’t value commitment as much as I did. Over the years she told me how much she enjoyed giving oral and about another fetish which might be embarrassing for others to know. Her neck was a major erogenous zone, so she gave me much ammunition to use when she arrived at my door, but I thought she should end her relationship before moving our relationship forward. Was Jim’s character on the TV show thinking the same, in a fictional way?
Most of those three years, in which we flirted, I was dealing with my father’ s cancer and his eventual death. To make matters worse, I had a mother with serious psychiatric problems. The girl was the sunshine in bleak period of my life. But shortly after the day she came to explore her options , she got married. No, she didn’t say she was exploring her options but she said enough for me to conclude as such. Not surprisingly after she married and immediately after my dad died, I fell into a funk and the flirtations ended, and she shut me out and the friendship ended and when I was in need of a friend.
I never met the other guy, how was their relationship and would I actually like him. They eventually split which isn’t surprising, I question whether Jim had an advantage in the TV series. He knew and could generate hate for the other guy. My girl was my friend and I couldn’t interfere with a relationship which I knew little about. How do you generate hate for a person you don’t know? Like I said, in retrospect I should have ravaged her and not care if I ruined her relationship and whether we could work as a couple. Relationships are hard, I couldn’t even use the three date rule on when to make a move because we didn’t go on what I consider proper dates. She told me sex was on the table that day if I would have made a move and certain that was more than a tease. Her arrival at my door was definitely her giving me a chance to win her over. But was that a decision for me. Shouldn’t she have decided on her longtime fiancé without my involvement?
What does this have to do with my novels? When there’s sex with a female in a submissive position, it’s her inspiring my writing. Is it misogyny? I was hurt and quit my job because of her, my writing may seem misogynistic but I’m just putting feelings into paper or the digital facsimile of such. Taylor Swift, S on this, you think women own the heartbreak songs. Guys own a few, too.
One incident of note happened during those three years. I touched her inappropriately at work by accident. She was standing at the glass door looking out and I came up from behind and put my face next to hers, trying to be cute. There would have been space between us, but my penis decided to close the gap. Guys don’t have full control of what their penis does. An erection can just pop up. It surprised me. She said something and I said I like it back here. She said I noticed and I became cognizant of what happened. No lie, I said whoops and jumped back in surprise because I didn’t do it intentionally. This shows how flirtatious she was and how much she enjoyed it because she truly thought it was cute. Another thing, such an incident is embarrassing for a guy because it was just a partial erection so the size wasn’t something to be proud of.
This may be a running blog because I thought of the way I could have handled that day. When she arrived at my door I immediately said how good she looked and my surprise she came then I asked where he was and she said, away. I should have told her I’ve been keeping myself on leash because you’re engaged and if she walks through the door I’m going to unleash. Speaking isn’t easy for me, and I was left with staying on leash or unleashing a bunch of pent up passion. The leash stayed on. In hindsight, she may have felt rejected because I didn’t make a move and just asked what she wanted to do. We ended up going to lunch, no drinks which to unleash with. Can’t remember if she was 21 and whether the drinking age was at the time. But I should have had a few drinks, though I’m not much of a drinker. Drinks could have let me forget my values and possibly her fiancé. It was a life changing moment for both of us, and watching reruns of, The Office, sent me pondering my past.
She hasn’t aged well, so some may say I dodged a bullet, but I’m more health conscious and may have changed her unhealthy diet and her her exercise regime. Odds are she developed diabetes. Besides I regret not taking pleasure in the moment and really wish I left her walking funny for weeks. Quitting my job wasn’t fun either. Like I said, life changing. Sensed it at the time, but didn’t realize how life changing.
Rethinking the timeline, my dad died a little before hat day, and without him had to deal with my mom. She wasn’t as big of a roadblock than the fiancé but she did weigh on my mind.
Let’s call the girl P because the fetish I didn’t describe above was watching men pee, never heard, it’s slightly humorous but nothing to be too ashamed of. She loved penises, if it were just mine I wouldn’t mind. P never asked about the welfare of my parents during my dad’s long bout with cancer though she knew because all the other women at the office knew, news spreads. P loved the attention I gave her but she should have showed concern and a discussion about my mother before P arrived at my door may have changed the outcome. Mom was a small road block and a prior talk about my mom may have eased my racing thoughts and my problem with speaking when my thoughts are racing. In the movie, Mermaids, Wynona Ryder plays a girl with my problem. The first few minutes after P arrived are etched into my memory but I suspect I got lost in thought and grew silent. Just saying her fiancé was away put me into a quandary, as a friend I would say not to cheat but as the guy who wanted her, ripping off her short shorts was on my mind.
One other thing that I remember well is what she said near the end of the visit. She said her fiancé needed her and she made it seem that the good condition of my apartment showed I didn’t need her and she needed to be needed. I’m sure Pee really meant love, not need. If she asked whether I loved her, I may have explained how I tried not to because she was engaged or I may have simply said yes. It’s stupid to fall in love with an engaged girl, but I was somewhat stupid. It’s also stupid to fall in love with with a stripper and and they tease you too.
Back to P saying her fiancé was away, he wasn’t away, he was there, I couldn’t get him out of my head. To ask P, what she wanted to do, was the only thing I could do. She had to decide.
How did I interpret P saying her fiancé was as away. The way she said it, hinted I should make a move. So I sort of made a mistake, but the question I had was, was she cheating on him, which divided me between a guy who wanted her and the guy who doesn’t believe in cheat. I wanted a relationship with her, her cheating on me would suck. The other thing which came into my head was that he was away and she just wanted someone to do things with, which was better than cheating, so I went with that idea. Years later, I thought back and wondered whether she came to give me a chance to win her over. That idea jives with what she said toward the end of the visit when it seemed she came to a decision. Only she knows. Maybe I’ll contact her but I have mixed feelings on that.
What if I made a move and she still chose to stay with him? I gave to much of my heart to her already. Was a step closer a good idea? That’s where Jim had the advantage, Jim could could evaluate the score. How many points did he have. My passion would have blown her away but my other skills as a lover weren’t practiced enough. Where was my confidence level, since I didn’t make a move—low.