Dissection of a Misanthrope

The Writing Diary of M Brace DeFreak


June 2017

Stop the torture of Dumb Retards, like me

The Nazi doctors and Fort Hood shooters of the US military medical corp and Veterans Administration have reaped recurrent torture upon this particular retard over the course of several years. I may have finally found a decent doctor, but only time will tell and doesn’t excuse the unnecessary torture subjected upon me. The term ‘retard’ refers to myself and I don’t consider the term derogatory because it just means delayed development which may cause stunting and dumb refers to my mutism.

Please, Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology come to the aid of the dumb retard known as M Brace DeFreak against our common enemy — the insane psychiatrists of this world. I’m sorry for my dislike of the book/movie, Battlefield Earth, my subsequential attitude for your group. You guys just don’t seem too open to poor wretches like me.

What happens when a kid suffering apraxia grows into a socially undeveloped adult? Does he get harassed by Black dudes in a Wal-Mart parking lot for not giving off the appropriate social cues? Yes. Does the Navy Nuclear Power Program do even more harm? Yes.

Apraxia to Social Anxiety to Nuclear Meltdown

I’ve been working on an ancient mystery — what caused my childhood mutism and the social anxiety and the nuclear meltdown (in reference to my stay in the US Navy nuclear power program). Couldn’t apraxia cause such a chain reaction? I suspect it could. If you have a child with delayed speech development (such as apraxia) — you’ll need to monitor their social development because the verbal delay is somewhat likely to cause a social delay. Thanks to the doctors of the US Navy and the Veteran’s Health Administration — my life has been hell and I want to breathe some of that hellfire back. Quit hurting the dumb retard that is me.

I may have finally stumbled onto a good doctor after a string of Nazi doctors and Fort Hood shooters — look up his profession and see who the US military considered competent enough to treat mentally wounded veterans. Speech problems appear to stem from my grandfather’s ancestry and I considered his Native American ancestry as the likely choice.  Sequoyah invented the Cherokee Syllabary for which to write the Cherokee language and I seemed to remember that Sequoyah invented the syllabary due to difficulty children had in writing the English language. I’m still not sure if Native Americans have a higher rate of language difficulties, but I’m sure my family has such issues. While researching language disorders among Native Americans, Google showed containing the term, Apraxia’. It happened to be in the Native News of a Seminole newspaper.

Stealing My Ancestors Bones

The Seminoles may have kept a few native girls when they helped wipe out the native tribes of Florida, but I believe my Native American ancestor’s name gives me and my kin more claim to the bones — she had a Spanish name. Seminoles; such as Cowkeeper, hoped to wipe out the Spanish and the native tribes allied with them. My Native American great-great-grandmother probably opted to marry a White man because her tribe was wiped out so my blood quantum may not reach the level for membership to a tribe; even though it is likely I have other Native Americans roots, but the thieving, murdering, claim my ancestral bones and my land.

Luck for the Seminoles; after about five monstrous visits to the Veteran’s Clinic; I finally found an apparently found a doctor who might keep me off the warpath. I still suggest John Cena keep his White Elitist ass out of Florida because one good appointment after many horrible ones, doesn’t keep him safe from the wrath of the Timucuan.

Protecting The Mute

Many of the mythology characters that I have an interest in — act as protectors of children. In my third novel, my main character will act as guardian to an unusually quiet girl she may not be completely mute but she’ll be distinctively quiet. I lived an extended period of my childhood as a mute and there is a temperamental side that has always protected my inner child — the mute.

I write about a fertility cult and sex obviously plays a role, but many fertility deities double as guardians. The guy in the story will be a mute, too. My main character will probably be conflicted about how to handle the guy. Guys don’t fare very well in hands of my cult, but this guy will be somewhat different.

Theoretically Voice Coding A Novel

I have an idea to adjust the text to speech function according to the character speaking, but I lack the power to influence the reader industry. My idea is to use a color coded colon to distinguish the characters. The main character in my novel could use a previously prescribed default to limit the markup. Here’s an example:

The main character says this and can possibly be left unmarked.

:The secondary character is marked by a color coded colon and theoretically a color coded period could act as the end mark to switch the voice back to the default.

I don’t need a separate narrator because my novel uses the first person perspective, so others would probably use a color coded colon to mark all characters. Reducing the markup is the Ideal strategy. The colon is used by playwrights, but I’ve found it best not to skip a space after the colon renders and the color code eliminates the use of the actual name. Characters still need an introduction such as, “What’s up, Harry,” but that’s no big deal.

TTS apps tend to voice out things such as underscore which is the reason I used the colon, but I’m sure alternative methods exist.

Almost Certainly Blackballed by Literary Agencies

I decided to send out one more query and the traffic on my blog shows someone went to a badmouthing post, in the day between submission and rejection. The literary agent who stirred my wrath got rightfully dismissed, but I figured I would receive blowback. It could be that the rejection came because my novel doesn’t work, but it seemed coincidental that someone browsed that post in such a short period of time.

I would prefer publishing the best book possible and I considered the traditional route offered an improved quality. Paying an editor when you don’t know if the book would make money even if it was a masterpiece — seems pointless. I don’t have money to waste. Self-editing has limits and finding someone attuned to my style may be problematic; even though, my style probably fits Chuck Palahniuk or Tom Robbins category. Finding someone with editing skills and fitting of such a style it isn’t easy without money to throw around or a literary network of friends.

The reason I stopped editing was the lack of concentration made it more likely I would cause more harm than good. Editing the same material over and over again causes extreme burnout. I’ll probably search for suitable beta-readers, but the process is likely aggravating and aggravation isn’t something you want from an unprofitable hobby. Mistake in by blog doesn’t concern me much, but the book needs quality editing — what a pain.

Invasion After Invasion

Florida history is filled with invasions and no family has seen more than mine. Even the Seminoles are invaders to my land. My ancestor’s tribe was obviously more native than the Seminoles because her Spanish name indicates she belonged to a Spanish allied tribe; the Seminoles hated the Spanish and helped wipe out their native allies. My Spanish ancestors are documented her long before the Seminoles split off from northern tribes, so while I come from the blood of Spanish Conquistadors who invaded this land; I also have that Native American blood that entered the region before the Seminoles, but not necessarily before the Spanish. The Yamasee and other tribes invaded Florida before the Seminoles

Bloody invasions have been replaced by passive-aggressive invasions, but the invasions continue. I’m alien to the foreign masses who inhabit my native land. I call myself a Timucuan because the Spanish primarily settled in Timucua provinces. Apalachee, Ais, and others are also possibilities, but I accept the most likely tribe as my own. The invasions and the resulting philos-aphilos has inspired my novels, but the alienation has damaged my motivational spirit, so two novels sit in the last stages of editing. One may even be finished, but I have a tendency to dabble.

Choosing to Mother a Freak

The deaf community has often been depicted as tight and having the tendency of othering the hearing populace. The old sideshow freaks also developed a tight community who othered the norms. Would members of an outsider society hesitate to give birth to an insider? A freak is someone who obviously differs from the norm, so don’t consider my use of the term derogatory.

In the TV series,  Meredith Eaton’s character ( a dwarf) has to confront such an issue when House says problems plaguing the character;’ daughter stem from a growth hormone insufficiency. The daughter, in this case, was old enough to voice her own opinion, but society has moved into a designer baby era; whereby, undesired genes can be tossed. Dwarfism isn’t a simple subject because some dwarfs only lack for size, but others have other and sometimes severe complications. A higher percentage of dwarfs have roles in the entertainment industry and that can be seen as a good or bad thing. The question is would or should a dwarf give birth to another dwarf?

My third novel may use this as a side issue. I’m just curious about which freakish qualities people would willingly choose and how normal such a choice would be.

The Frustration of a Dumb Retard

I call myself a dumb retard because I was mute (dumb), for longer than your average child and suffered some social retardation. The term ‘dumb retard’ doesn’t bother me because I see the term as an accurate assessment. Talking has always frustrated me and as a child, I often thought about cutting my vocal chords to relieve the frustration. Eventually, I learned to fake normalcy to the casual eye but inside I’m a freak. Doctors have never been easy to deal with and I’ve grown wearier over time. Writing under an alias allows me to voice my frustration, but my frustration has harshened my voice and probably killed any chance of getting a literary agent.

Depression hit hard and I stopped editing my novel because I low concentration levels might screw up my edits. The difficulty in earning an income from writing doesn’t inspire optimism — consider this report in Forbes:

According to data from a new survey from Digital Book World and Writer’s Digest, the median income range for self-published authors is under $5,000 and nearly 20% of self-published authors report deriving no income from their writing.Dec 9, 2013
How Much Money Do Self-Published Authors Make? – Forbes…/2013/12/…/how-much-money-do-self-published-authors-make/
I hate both political parties and seeing all the White Elitist Liberals in the literary agencies aggravated me as much as my fight with a Republican about the idiocity of George Bush Jr. Many times, I have referred to Obama as having Bush for brains because I didn’t consider him any better. Posting stuff about literary agents and agencies is a good way to get blackballed and I stopped thinking about an agent after one agent pulled my final straw. Zora Neale Hurston hated White elitists and didn’t care for some of her fellow African-Americans in the literary industry; I have much more reason to hate White elitists considering my mixed ancestry who rave about Obama’s half White ass but seem to see too much White filling, in my mestizo ass.
I’m left with very little hope, but I dawdle out ideas about the third book. From the beginning, I had somewhat of a ‘publish after I’m dead’ perspective. The freak in me makes thoughts of popularity awfully disdainful.

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